from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
