Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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