I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
