burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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