Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
