erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
