I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize