No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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