Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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