why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
