im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
