I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
