I'm going to jail i love you
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I think my fart just growled at me.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
