you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
