I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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