I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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