I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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