Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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