i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
