Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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