I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
