Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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