She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
