i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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