what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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