No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
