its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize