The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
