I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
