does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
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