But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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