JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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