Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
