Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
