maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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