if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
