quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
