Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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