The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
