we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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