Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
