my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
