i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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