i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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