No awkward lesbian experiences without me
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
