I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
is that a dick in a sweater?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize