the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
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