We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
