Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just cut my nipple shaving
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
