unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
