He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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