but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize