Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
