I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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