I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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