Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
