Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
