like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
