just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
