we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
