It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
