Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
