He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize