I just made out with a guy for $7.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
