He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
