And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
