I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
