Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize