I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
